I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize