you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
