I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
