I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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