Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
