fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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