Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
