who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
