I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
