I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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