But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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