I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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