i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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