I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
