All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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