I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i already hear my dad disowning me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
