you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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