yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
