plz talk dirty to me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
