I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
