apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
