I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
