apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
