just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
