So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
