Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
