How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
