: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
