No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
