I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize