The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
