Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize