You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
