So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
