porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
