this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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