Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
