maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I AM VODKA MAN
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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