Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
