my sisters under your porch take her home
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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