so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
