Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
