I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
