Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
