i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
