Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
