There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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