Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
