I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
