My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
