I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Randomize
