I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Houston, we have a blender
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
