I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
