i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
