The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I need moral support for this bender
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
