I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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