Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
