He is an equal opportunity slut.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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