I heard we made out
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
