How'd it feel making her break her religion?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
