i don't like sucking hair
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dignity is for republicans.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
