Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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