woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
