Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize