weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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