'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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