i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
