Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
