if i died would you start the facebook group?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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