i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
