I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
