I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
