That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
