I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
