oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
