best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is my gift to your gina
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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