FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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