Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
