There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
