I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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