So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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