let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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