I think im going to throw up on grandma
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
