Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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