Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
