My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
