i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
