Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
