next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
