Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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