I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
