Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
