you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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