a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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