Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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