sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
