I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
