Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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