Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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