i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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