You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
