I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize